I have felt so lost on this journey of grief, so empty. I don't know why we lost our daughter, why we are having to travel this road. I have cried that question so many times in my head and out loud without an audible response. Sometimes, though, it seems as though scripture and the quiet whispers of my heart are leading me to deeper understanding...
I know that we are being refined in this process, have a deeper understanding of God, can relate to slew of people we poorly attempted to relate to before but couldn't because we hadn't "been there", and absolutely above all, desire Heaven in a very real way. Aside from the thought of leaving my son, my husband and all of my family and friends, I have no fear to die. In dying I know I will be reunited with my daughter and my Saviour who made it all possible. Gosh, what hope would I have without my Saviour, to know that my time away from my daughter is only temporary: only days, months or years separated now to be together again for all of eternity.
Can I ask, what is your hope, what do you anticipate within the walls of the grief in your life? Do you have any? You need hope... if there is no hope, what is there? How do you go on, what do you believe is the purpose for all this in your life? Can I tell you that this is not God's punishment, but He has a purpose for all of this in your life. There is a greater plan for your grief, for your life.
"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." -John 9:1-3
I pray that the works of God may be displayed in my life through the loss of our daughter, not for our glory but for His.