I have felt so lost on this journey of grief, so empty. I don't know why we lost our daughter, why we are having to travel this road. I have cried that question so many times in my head and out loud without an audible response. Sometimes, though, it seems as though scripture and the quiet whispers of my heart are leading me to deeper understanding...
I know that we are being refined in this process, have a deeper understanding of God, can relate to slew of people we poorly attempted to relate to before but couldn't because we hadn't "been there", and absolutely above all, desire Heaven in a very real way. Aside from the thought of leaving my son, my husband and all of my family and friends, I have no fear to die. In dying I know I will be reunited with my daughter and my Saviour who made it all possible. Gosh, what hope would I have without my Saviour, to know that my time away from my daughter is only temporary: only days, months or years separated now to be together again for all of eternity.
Can I ask, what is your hope, what do you anticipate within the walls of the grief in your life? Do you have any? You need hope... if there is no hope, what is there? How do you go on, what do you believe is the purpose for all this in your life? Can I tell you that this is not God's punishment, but He has a purpose for all of this in your life. There is a greater plan for your grief, for your life.
"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." -John 9:1-3
I pray that the works of God may be displayed in my life through the loss of our daughter, not for our glory but for His.
4 comments:
I found your blog on Kelly's Korner. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my son almost 2 years ago this summer :(
This post was written so beautifully.
Hello...you don't know me, but a couple of your friends from college (Shanna Hartman Kirkpatrick and Tracy Collier Cummings) were friends of mine in high school. They gave me the link to your blog because I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, and I just had a stillbirth at 23 weeks pregnant, about a month ago. I was really encouraged reading your blog, because I don't feel crazy with my thoughts, since you are having many of the same ones as me. I just wanted to let you know that I "stopped by" and I completely and totally understand if you don't want to talk with me, but if you ever do want to message back and forth on facebook or email, then I am here and could be a good sounding board to you, since I probaby am feeling a lot of what you are feeling. You can find me on facebook (Sarah King Williams) through one of those two friends we share, if you want. I am praying for you! :) Oh and I also have a blog www.lifewithkaileyrose.blogspot.com.
Hi Katie,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It makes me want to cry. We love you and your family and we'll be praying for God's comfort and understanding.
-Nelly
Hi I was just visiting some mom's from Kelly's link up for moms that have lost kids. I see you are expecting a new little boy soon. We just said goodbye to our son Jonathan born 20 weeks. I host a weekly link-up for bereaved mommies I would love for you to join us some time. You do not have to write a special post just link up your home page. I am saying a prayer for you that you have a blessed mothers day! Hugs from one grieving mommy to another.
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