This is my fabulous husband, whom I love dearly. He is soo patient with me and he loves me despite how flawed I am. And trust me, I am flawed. This past 6 months has been kinda rough on me emotionally. I don't know what it is. I mean, I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for. We have traveled the world in our 4 short years of marriage, I have a great job that I am really enjoying this year, and truly have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I guess I have just been so melancholy over what God has been working on in me. It really dates back to July-ish. Caleb and I had decided about a year before that we would begin to venture down the road towards having a baby in August.. However, with Caleb beginning to pursue his MBA, we decided that it would be best if we wait until closer to his graduation. Immediately I was sad, and really began to grieve the loss of the life I was hoping we would have in the next year. There were so many things that I pictured in my mind being "the last before a baby" and all of a sudden those pictures changed. No longer would our Italy trip be "the last hurrah", nor would my school year be the last sans a baby. That lasted until sometime in August, when I finally got on my face before the Lord and just wept. I was beyond what I could handle on my own, which I know is exactly where He wanted me. I was trying to grieve alone, trying to be ok with something I really wasn't and trying to put on a happy face, pretending like I had it all together when I really couldn't be any further from that. I have always thought it to be so cliche, but in that moment when I was literally laying flat on the ground, face down the burden of my grief just dissipated.Since that day, I have been in a season of restoration. He's restoring me to a right relationship with Him, where I trust His providence, love my husband more deeply, and really just savor this time to grow together before our lives are forever changed.
So... with that, I need to go plan my next vacation I didn't think I'd have!! Ski slopes, here we come!
2 comments:
I know how hard that is! I'm not going to say any cliche phrases of encouragement here, because I'm afraid they wouldn't mean much. So I hope you enjoy another year of freedom and alone time with your husband! Plan some super fun trips!
Just read your blog, and I want you to know that I went through almost the EXACT SAME THING! We did the Europe trip, I had the school year, everything... and I did the "waiting" game. I had a lot of friends going through infertility and strangely, I felt like I was going through infertility (and technically I was) because it was a loss of sorts. Now, looking back that 1 or 2 years of waiting really amounted to time that the LORD prepared us financially, emotionally, and we were both truly ready. I will pray for your continued restoration!
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